Heart pounding, hands sweating, couldn't string together a coherent sentence....that's what happened when I went clothes shopping with a friend yesterday. I HATE SHOPPING, like a skinny person hates carbs....
But I had to do it, see, my sister is getting married and asked me to be her Matron of Honor. When I think of Matron, I think of an old lady dressed in white, with a big netted bun in her hair. I am extremely honored by the request, and I am excited at the opportunity, as I have never been a bridesmaid ever! As far as the outfit goes, pink is a lovely color but when I think about pink on me, images of Nelly the Elephant come to mind. I will kill her if she makes me have an up-do with babies breath in my hair. Oh, and her fiance kindly said that I could wear a "baggy" dress....
Back to the shopping and why I submitted myself to this torture. I would rather have all my teeth extracted with a pliers than go clothes shopping! My friend Ron (named changed to protect her identity) won't ever want to set foot in a mall with me again after the 2 hours of sulking and ill-humor she was subjected to. She's lost more than 20kg's since March, yes it's true, and I discovered, entirely possible! (which depresses me) She is inspiring. She used to be my size so I knew that if anyone would know what would suit my figure, she would; added to the fact that she's a Kimora Lee Simmons in the making.
So I went shopping for a pink dress with "Ron". DISASTER.....The dress she had in mind was sold out in my size, so she said I should try on the only one left, in a smaller size so that I could get an idea of what it looked like on the body, and maybe have one made....After 5 minutes in the change room, I hadn't even managed to get one arm through the dress.
I looked in the mirror and the front waist of my "stomach slimming" panties had rolled down to just above THE area (I'll leave THAT to your imagination). These panties are supposed to pull the tummy in, if you didn't know, but my stomach has a life of it's own. It bulges out no matter what underwear, and my stomach blubber screams "FREE WILLY". Then, as if in answer to the whale call of my slummy tummy, the front waist of my panties starts rolling down, like those home made "cigarettes" that you roll in paper from the telephone book.
As I was having this crisis, Ron was trying something else on in the next room and called out, "let me see what it looks like on you"...I almost had a meltdown in the shop. Adding to my misery was the sales attendant who was wearing the same dress in black that day, and looked super sexy in it too....
So I put my jeans and t-shirt back on, mustered all the self-respect I had left, walked out of the change room and collapsed on the couch in the change room waiting area....and Ron walks out of her change room with this beautiful strapless all in one top/short thingy! On the one hand I was in awe of how much weight she's lost and inspired by her accomplishment yet on the other hand, I just wanted to take her to Mcdonalds and force feed her super sized Mcmeals.....(Sorry Ron, jealousy makes me nasty)
The more I think about it though, maybe instead of killing my sister (so in effect there is no wedding), and force-feeding my friend, I can draw from this experience, be inspired by Ron's accomplishment, take stock and set some goals to achieve before 5 March 2011, D-Day...(my sister's wedding day)
P. S
NOTE TO SELF: Mmmm, Find out from Hayley what's on the menu at the wedding reception, wedding food is divine....
